


So Emotional

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: A Cajun and a Gamer [12]
Category: Supernatural AU
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21600679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Series: A Cajun and a Gamer [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1413103
Kudos: 8





	So Emotional

As time moved on, you found yourself crying less. Not that it stopped hurting, but that you were wearing yourself down. Sam kept his promise, and had stayed with you two days before having to head to work. Now he checked in on you a few times a week, sometimes dropping off something for dinner.

Until he went in your fridge, and saw that you’d barely touched them. The most taken was out of the chicken and rice he had brought you- and that was only about half. Shaking his head, he let out a small sigh and grabbed a water. “Y/N?” He started, moving back to the living room. “Why aren’t you eating?” His eyes were full of concern.

“I eat.” You shrugged. “I just stop when I’m not hungry anymore.” It didn’t seem that big a deal to you.

Sam sat next to you, taking your hand in his. “We’re worried about you.” He hadn’t been hit as hard as you and Dean, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care. “RJ makes everything I bring you, ya know.” He told you softly. “Keeps asking for you to come over for games and pizza, but I keep telling her you aren’t ready. It worries her, too. You’re shutting everyone out.”

You stared at the ground. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” You sighed. “I don’t mean to.” How were you supposed to explain this to him? You could barely put your thoughts into words, let alone enough for him to understand.

“I’m here for you, and I know I was a dick for awhile there. You know the Winchester men.” He teased lightly. “Tempers, stubbornness, and…well…” He shrugged, knowing that you understood. “Look, I’ll tell Dean to come over after work. Maybe you’ll open up to him more just for the fact that he lost his best friend, and he feels that pain, too. Okay?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to block you out. I just…I don’t know where to start, or how to put this into words.” You looked up at him.

Sam kissed your forehead. “I’ll come by again soon. Maybe next time we’ll game for a bit, distract you.”

Nodding, you gave him a sad smile. “I’d like that.”

* * *

It was close to ten when Dean showed up, simply walking in. You were in the kitchen, sipping on a beer. “Hey, sweetheart.”

Glancing over at him, you held up your beer. “Want one?”

“Sure, but I can get it.” He told you as he moved towards the fridge. “Sammy said you won’t talk to him.” Dean sighed, popping the top of his beer. “Figured it’s because he wasn’t close to Benny, and wouldn’t ‘understand’. I agreed with him. Seeing as from what I’ve heard, and the pictures on your facebook- you two were always together, meaning he knows everything about you.” He took a swig before licking his lips and continuing. “Except what you’re thinking and feeling now. And I get it, I do, but you can’t keep this shit in forever. You think Benny would want that?”

At the mention of his name, your heart clenched. Shaking your head, you sighed. “No, he wouldn’t.” You admitted, downing the last of your beer.

Dean moved over to you, putting his arm around your shoulders. “So, you’re going to change into something comfortable, we’re going to get you another beer, put on some shitty late night show, and talk.” He gave you a small squeeze. “When’s the last time you got decent sleep?”

“…The, uh..night before you woke me up.” You admitted, giving him the ‘sorry’ face.

“ _Fuck_ , sweetheart.” He groaned. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Go change.”

* * *

Dean was in sweats when you came out, having not bothered with a shirt when he’d changed. You were in a baggy shirt and a pair of boxers, your hair up in a pony tail. Glancing at the TV, you saw he’d muted it, but left it on. Sitting down, you were facing him, your knees up to your chest, arms wrapped around your legs.

“Here.” He handed you a cold beer, which you took a swig of quickly. “Talk.”

“I feel…pathetic.” You admitted. “We weren’t together some long time, we didn’t even get to the living together stage.” Sighing, you took another swig. “But I loved him, Dean.” He nodded, understanding. “I know that by now I should start going forward with life, getting back to something close to what I was before. I just can’t push myself to.”

Licking his lips, Dean thought for a moment before he said anything. “I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to lose someone you’re with, but Benny was my best friend. Damn near family.” He sighed, clearly getting things off his chest, as well. “It hurts, it does, but by you shutting out the world, and not picking up the pieces- however slowly- is like you died with him.” You hadn’t thought of it like that. “Don’t go dying on us when you’re right here.”

* * *

 **  
**Seeing the time on the clock read 1:28, you groaned. Dean glanced where you were looking, his eyebrows going up. He didn’t realize you’d been talking, and drinking, that long. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll clean this up.” He motioned to the empty bottles on the table. He held out his hand for you once he stood up.

You let him lead you to your room, almost dreading the feeling of cold, empty sheets. Pulling your hair out of your ponytail, you saw him head back towards the door and stopped him. “Stay?” You asked quietly, looking him in the eyes. “I just need to not feel alone. Maybe with you here it’ll help?” When he didn’t say anything right away, you shook your head. “No, forget it.”

Dean moved to the door and closed it, making you stare at him. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He assured you.

The two of you climbed into bed and you put your head on his chest, his arm holding you close. “Thank you again, Dean. For everything.” You said quietly.

“Anytime, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of your head like he had many times before.

You looked up at him, your eyes darting to his lips as he licked them. Before you knew it, your lips were moving against his. Dean had his hand in your hair, deepening the kiss before resting his forehead on yours. “Dean?” You were scared you’d pushed him away.

He took a deep breath. “Are you _sure_ this is what you want?” Dean didn’t want you to regret anything in the morning.

“I want to feel anything but this…almost numbness.” You ran your hand up his chest to his jaw, your thumb brushing over his cheek.

Dean kissed you roughly, rolling you so that you were on your back. Your fingers gripped his shoulder, kissing back with just as much roughness. The kiss was needy, and almost instinctual. A way to get out the pain.


End file.
